i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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