Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
