My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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