she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize