his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
