Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
