my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
