HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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