remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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