what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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