Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize