conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
