We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
