She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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