Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
