my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
