If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
