his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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