the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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