$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
