Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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