i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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