he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize