If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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