Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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