Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
