Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize