Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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