Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
