his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
