one two three fourrrrnication!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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