what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
