after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
