ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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