so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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