Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
be right there i have to get my cape
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
