Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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