woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
