Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
