I am spending my child support on dildos
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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