i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Even my vagina gasped.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
how drunk are you?
Several
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
