i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize