I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my being single is dangerous.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
