i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
