Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
