I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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