Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
