my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
