We're facebook friends in real life
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize