I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
