she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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