I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
a search helicopter?!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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