she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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