I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
