Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
