I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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