If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize