Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
