The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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