I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Who wears a wallet chain?!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize