Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
