your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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