Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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