He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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