we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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