i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
