Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize