New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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