nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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