I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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