I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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