How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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