Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
