oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
