According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
