look no pants
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
