Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
