my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
