Your face is a jimmy john
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
