Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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