I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
