so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
