i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
