So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
