I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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