My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
