Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
