Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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