hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
