the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
