if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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