went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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