worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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