My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I could make wine with my vomit
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
