I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Quick, to the slutcave!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
