i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
