Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
