im drinking this country out of the recession.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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