he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
