Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
