so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
