no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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