May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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