I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
