And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
