Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
