Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
