if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize