I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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