Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
