Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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