Say something about gay babies.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
