just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
