walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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