It's like God shit irony all over that family
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
