matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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