i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize